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Thursday, August 27, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Warped Tour + Day After
Hi world =D
Wow so im super sick so i couldnt blog about WARPED TOUR but here i go ! So i woke up at like 0515 ! Omg i felt hella sick but i was like fuck it . Daniela and her friends pick me up and omg there so funny ! Like i was hella laughing cause they would say the funniest shit ! We went to the bank and i got 140 out ! Wow in the last two days my savings has gone down 250 ! Lets see we pick up lucy and we drive there. We get there kinda early were like the 2oth people there. Umm hella people try to sell us shit ! Saw alot of cuties <3 Oh took a pic with some of the members of the maine ! Me and Daniela made him blush cause we told him he was adorable ! We get in and rush to see the maine ! Were in the front like always ! OMG john is so cute ! I felt like he kept on looking at us =D ! They were so good ! i wish i knew more if their songs so i could sing a long ! The lineup sucked this year -___- Like we had a 2 hour gap of nothing to do so we just chilled and looked at merch. Went to the we the kings signing. LINE WAS HELLA LONG! While there i saw this tent that was anti millitary 0.O hella weird cause they were telling me hecka stuff ! Kinda weird.. Then we the kings signed my ticket ! And talked to them =D He said he loves his fans ! Then we saw some of underoath ! they sang one of my favorite songs ! Hella mosh pits there ! Then we went to the front of the we the kings ! They were super good, super cute ! All time low comes too ! I think i fucked up my voice on we the kings =/ but its okay cause i was screaming like crazy ! Hunters fucking hot! Hmm lets see after that we look for more merch ! Then we go to the White Tie Affair signing ! We also won Vip Passes =D The guys from the white tie affair are fucking adorable like the main singer he took a pic with me as if he was going to kiss me on the cheek and the bass guitarist and me decided to do a rock star pose <3 Then we go to the vip of silverstine and i hella start likeing them now ! I noticed yesterday that i like metal more than pop punk ! TBC gotta go to the movies !
Wow so im super sick so i couldnt blog about WARPED TOUR but here i go ! So i woke up at like 0515 ! Omg i felt hella sick but i was like fuck it . Daniela and her friends pick me up and omg there so funny ! Like i was hella laughing cause they would say the funniest shit ! We went to the bank and i got 140 out ! Wow in the last two days my savings has gone down 250 ! Lets see we pick up lucy and we drive there. We get there kinda early were like the 2oth people there. Umm hella people try to sell us shit ! Saw alot of cuties <3 Oh took a pic with some of the members of the maine ! Me and Daniela made him blush cause we told him he was adorable ! We get in and rush to see the maine ! Were in the front like always ! OMG john is so cute ! I felt like he kept on looking at us =D ! They were so good ! i wish i knew more if their songs so i could sing a long ! The lineup sucked this year -___- Like we had a 2 hour gap of nothing to do so we just chilled and looked at merch. Went to the we the kings signing. LINE WAS HELLA LONG! While there i saw this tent that was anti millitary 0.O hella weird cause they were telling me hecka stuff ! Kinda weird.. Then we the kings signed my ticket ! And talked to them =D He said he loves his fans ! Then we saw some of underoath ! they sang one of my favorite songs ! Hella mosh pits there ! Then we went to the front of the we the kings ! They were super good, super cute ! All time low comes too ! I think i fucked up my voice on we the kings =/ but its okay cause i was screaming like crazy ! Hunters fucking hot! Hmm lets see after that we look for more merch ! Then we go to the White Tie Affair signing ! We also won Vip Passes =D The guys from the white tie affair are fucking adorable like the main singer he took a pic with me as if he was going to kiss me on the cheek and the bass guitarist and me decided to do a rock star pose <3 Then we go to the vip of silverstine and i hella start likeing them now ! I noticed yesterday that i like metal more than pop punk ! TBC gotta go to the movies !
Monday, August 17, 2009
Warning
Trust me when i say ; if my gut feeling is true then there will be shit that goes down
BEST believe that you stupid saggy bitch !
You have been warned.
BEST believe that you stupid saggy bitch !
You have been warned.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
if today was your last day
wow so last night i dreamed the dream that no one wants to dream ! i dreamed i died. It was really weird cause at first i thought i was just looking at the past but in reailty i was dead =x
so everyone that ive ever cared about it was in it and idk my dream felt so real like i was reliving everything but this time i was getting to change the outcome of things so everything that has never turned out good i changed . But i changed it with my actions .. intially i think this dream was a sign. A big sign . I havent cried in a dream in so long and when i woke up i was crying like hell. I dont want to leave on bad terms with anyone. So this means that i have to like fix everything in my dream.. But i know some of them are going to be harder than others.. Ah i guess im just going to take babysteps and hope that this never comes true. I mean think about it people. we have one life, one breath , one momment ,one everything. and when people hurt us it only hurts cause those one moments destroyed everything that we've worked so hard to keep togther. Idk but this totally fucked up most of my day.. even my coworkers noticed LMAO you guys have no idea how much jamba juice got fucked over today ! im scared to sleep cause i dont want to dream that again ! Fuck, seriousley i dont care that my pride is telling me that to stfu about how i feel and continue on with my life without these people.. Cause i know that i should just be like fuck it but then again i know in my heart that everyone who ive ever hurt or who have hurt me are both somehow paying for it or has paid for it.. Whether it was a long time ago or if its current. No amount of pride is worth this. So fuck it okay think im stupid for doing this.. hell i think i am too but i cant leave knowing that in someway my mind and my heart and my feeling and my pride arent in one synce. I dont care who was right or who was wrong its just there are 5 people that i need to talk to .. I think im going to go for the easiest ones first.. But even the easy ones are hard.. My dream was horrible..
so everyone that ive ever cared about it was in it and idk my dream felt so real like i was reliving everything but this time i was getting to change the outcome of things so everything that has never turned out good i changed . But i changed it with my actions .. intially i think this dream was a sign. A big sign . I havent cried in a dream in so long and when i woke up i was crying like hell. I dont want to leave on bad terms with anyone. So this means that i have to like fix everything in my dream.. But i know some of them are going to be harder than others.. Ah i guess im just going to take babysteps and hope that this never comes true. I mean think about it people. we have one life, one breath , one momment ,one everything. and when people hurt us it only hurts cause those one moments destroyed everything that we've worked so hard to keep togther. Idk but this totally fucked up most of my day.. even my coworkers noticed LMAO you guys have no idea how much jamba juice got fucked over today ! im scared to sleep cause i dont want to dream that again ! Fuck, seriousley i dont care that my pride is telling me that to stfu about how i feel and continue on with my life without these people.. Cause i know that i should just be like fuck it but then again i know in my heart that everyone who ive ever hurt or who have hurt me are both somehow paying for it or has paid for it.. Whether it was a long time ago or if its current. No amount of pride is worth this. So fuck it okay think im stupid for doing this.. hell i think i am too but i cant leave knowing that in someway my mind and my heart and my feeling and my pride arent in one synce. I dont care who was right or who was wrong its just there are 5 people that i need to talk to .. I think im going to go for the easiest ones first.. But even the easy ones are hard.. My dream was horrible..
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
4 am relaziations; Theres always that one person
That one person..
Who you lay in bed some nights thinking about :
You know , what im talking about, the guy who you would have done everything for. The one you loved unconditionally. The one that even though hes dead to you on the outside he's fully alive on the inside. I mean your over him , you've been over him for quiet sometime. You no longer see him everywhere you go and you dont even care about what hes doing or hows his day like. You forgotten his number and havent spoke to him in ages and although you both have moved on significantly more him since you have devolped serious trust issues you lay awake consumed with the thought of what if he chose you . In all honesty this is just like an unfinished story, a never ending night mare and truth be told its only like this for one reason; There Is No Closure. Its like a wound that never healed, a bird that never flew. He will always be in your head beacause of this lack of closure. This will always be with you, no getting rid of it . So how do you deal with it people may ask and truth be told i dont really know. If i knew then why would i be awake at this time thinking of him. But i think that you just continue on in hope that one day you recieve that closure.
Who was the one good thing in your life :
Well he wasnt perfect but neither were you. You guys were never meant to be but somehow found a way to each other. He hurt you and you hurt him. At first when you too first met you had no idea what attracted you to him. He wasnt your type, was a complete opposite and he was already taken. But you couldnt help it, you wanted to get to know him, you were by far intrigued, curious and in some way crazy about getting to know him. You would see them togther , often staring at them from afar. You always wondered what he saw in her, while the whole world was wondering what you saw in him. You guys would always talk in fact most of sixth period was devoted to getting to know him. You learned a couple of things about him but wanted to know more. Soon you were quietly anticipating sixth period in order to talk to him. But then he stopped coming to class. You started to loose hope. I mean it was never meant to be right, what the hell were you doing falling for a guy who already had a girlfriend. Just when you thought all was lost one day he came to class. Everything that was intially was gone came right back and he explained his absence. He gives you his number and your in complete shock. Could it be that this guy was actually falling for you too. You stare at the number for hours, map out what your going to say and call him. It goes okay except for the fact that his gf calls right when you call. Your hurt, but hey what can you do. He begins to text you, call you, message you everyday. You guys begin to devolp a conenction deeper than any of you imagine. He never could sleep so you always stayed up to keep him company. All night you guys would talk and all day you guys would wait it for it to be night . You always wanted to tell him that you were slowly falling for him but you knew what he would say so you just hid it. He always told you that you were something special to him but soon you begin to feel like second best. So you quit and move on and then one day he writes you this " Ive always liked you from the very beggining, but i held it in because i was with her and you and me could never be and now that your with him i just wanted you to know that". That night you cry and you realize that you were in love . As much as this was hurting you and as much as this would never be you could never let go. Things with your BF go bad so you end it, only to hear he ended it to what finally seemed impossible was no possible. But of course it didnt work , just as thought . But it didnt end badly it just ended. After you he returned with her but he only did so because she was the safe bet. Now three years later you lay awake wondering where he is?whose he with? is he happy? After all he showed you love and pain. He showed you how to truley desire something and showed you the gift of patience. He was esentially the best thing to happen to you so far.
Tonight as i lay awake and think alot, i notice that they have alot to do with the person i was and the person ive become
I mean , love does crazy things to me. Maybe in some way after he hurt me i became heartless. No words or No person could comfort me . Even before he hurt me all i could think about was him. I lost me essentially during this time and after he hurt me i fell into a place where i didnt give a fuck what people did, said or thought of me cause in the end all their thoughts, actions, words could never amount to the pain he left me. So maybe thats when i became heartless and gave only 50 % of myself to the people who have given me 100.
Then again when i was with the one who was my best love, i was in some crazy mode too. I knew he had a gf and i still went for him. I think he introduced me to this sort of getting what i want attitude. I never knew what it meant to work hard to get something untill i met him,untill i wanted him. He introduced me to that passion that drive that motivation. That essentially hurt me aswell. If i didnt get my way it was devasting to me. I felt like i had no controll and that i was losing a battle that wasnt even declared. Some of the guys after him i didnt even truley want i just wanted to win. This also caused me to get overwhelemed and too breakdown a couple times. It led me to use and abuse people all in hope of winning the prize. I still have this attitude. In the end i do have to look out for me cause if i dont no one will.
So here i am blogging at 4 am all because i finally noticed that the best things in my life were estentailly the worst as well.
I think that i do need to talk to both of them before i leave .. Im just scared too..
Who you lay in bed some nights thinking about :
You know , what im talking about, the guy who you would have done everything for. The one you loved unconditionally. The one that even though hes dead to you on the outside he's fully alive on the inside. I mean your over him , you've been over him for quiet sometime. You no longer see him everywhere you go and you dont even care about what hes doing or hows his day like. You forgotten his number and havent spoke to him in ages and although you both have moved on significantly more him since you have devolped serious trust issues you lay awake consumed with the thought of what if he chose you . In all honesty this is just like an unfinished story, a never ending night mare and truth be told its only like this for one reason; There Is No Closure. Its like a wound that never healed, a bird that never flew. He will always be in your head beacause of this lack of closure. This will always be with you, no getting rid of it . So how do you deal with it people may ask and truth be told i dont really know. If i knew then why would i be awake at this time thinking of him. But i think that you just continue on in hope that one day you recieve that closure.
Who was the one good thing in your life :
Well he wasnt perfect but neither were you. You guys were never meant to be but somehow found a way to each other. He hurt you and you hurt him. At first when you too first met you had no idea what attracted you to him. He wasnt your type, was a complete opposite and he was already taken. But you couldnt help it, you wanted to get to know him, you were by far intrigued, curious and in some way crazy about getting to know him. You would see them togther , often staring at them from afar. You always wondered what he saw in her, while the whole world was wondering what you saw in him. You guys would always talk in fact most of sixth period was devoted to getting to know him. You learned a couple of things about him but wanted to know more. Soon you were quietly anticipating sixth period in order to talk to him. But then he stopped coming to class. You started to loose hope. I mean it was never meant to be right, what the hell were you doing falling for a guy who already had a girlfriend. Just when you thought all was lost one day he came to class. Everything that was intially was gone came right back and he explained his absence. He gives you his number and your in complete shock. Could it be that this guy was actually falling for you too. You stare at the number for hours, map out what your going to say and call him. It goes okay except for the fact that his gf calls right when you call. Your hurt, but hey what can you do. He begins to text you, call you, message you everyday. You guys begin to devolp a conenction deeper than any of you imagine. He never could sleep so you always stayed up to keep him company. All night you guys would talk and all day you guys would wait it for it to be night . You always wanted to tell him that you were slowly falling for him but you knew what he would say so you just hid it. He always told you that you were something special to him but soon you begin to feel like second best. So you quit and move on and then one day he writes you this " Ive always liked you from the very beggining, but i held it in because i was with her and you and me could never be and now that your with him i just wanted you to know that". That night you cry and you realize that you were in love . As much as this was hurting you and as much as this would never be you could never let go. Things with your BF go bad so you end it, only to hear he ended it to what finally seemed impossible was no possible. But of course it didnt work , just as thought . But it didnt end badly it just ended. After you he returned with her but he only did so because she was the safe bet. Now three years later you lay awake wondering where he is?whose he with? is he happy? After all he showed you love and pain. He showed you how to truley desire something and showed you the gift of patience. He was esentially the best thing to happen to you so far.
Tonight as i lay awake and think alot, i notice that they have alot to do with the person i was and the person ive become
I mean , love does crazy things to me. Maybe in some way after he hurt me i became heartless. No words or No person could comfort me . Even before he hurt me all i could think about was him. I lost me essentially during this time and after he hurt me i fell into a place where i didnt give a fuck what people did, said or thought of me cause in the end all their thoughts, actions, words could never amount to the pain he left me. So maybe thats when i became heartless and gave only 50 % of myself to the people who have given me 100.
Then again when i was with the one who was my best love, i was in some crazy mode too. I knew he had a gf and i still went for him. I think he introduced me to this sort of getting what i want attitude. I never knew what it meant to work hard to get something untill i met him,untill i wanted him. He introduced me to that passion that drive that motivation. That essentially hurt me aswell. If i didnt get my way it was devasting to me. I felt like i had no controll and that i was losing a battle that wasnt even declared. Some of the guys after him i didnt even truley want i just wanted to win. This also caused me to get overwhelemed and too breakdown a couple times. It led me to use and abuse people all in hope of winning the prize. I still have this attitude. In the end i do have to look out for me cause if i dont no one will.
So here i am blogging at 4 am all because i finally noticed that the best things in my life were estentailly the worst as well.
I think that i do need to talk to both of them before i leave .. Im just scared too..
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